So... we are not pregnant, again. And for some reason this time I really really thought we so were. And it sucks. It is of course, very sad for me. But it is absolutely heartbreaking to see my Lady because she always feels somehow that it's her fault, that she is somehow responsible. I just don't believe that to be true, and we have no reason to think it is true. But obviously I can't make her feel how I feel, and I can't seem to say or do anything to take that feeling of responsibility away.
I do feel like this is going to happen for us, but I have no power to say when, and I have no ability to answer "why not yet?" and I have no means of making any of this any easier. Even though we hear (and I believe) that it doesn't really matter whether or not she eats or does not eat some thing or another, or exercises more or less, or rests or meditates or whatever the hell Google or some stupid yellow book suggests she should do today, I think I understand part of what makes all these things seem so appealing. It feels like control. And we, (I especially, it feels like) have nothing of the sort over any of it. And that also is sucks.
Update
1 week ago
Posts
3 comments:
I'm so sorry that this one didn't work. I hate not being able to control things - especially something so important. I agree with you though - I think it's going to work for you two. I just wish I knew when.
I know, baby. I really know how this is.
:: hugs hugs hugs ::
We love you both so much. We are sending healing energy. That's for Lady. And Wii energy. For you.
having no control is one of the suckiest, scariest things there is. i am so sorry. i can't think of two people who will be better parents - it seems so unfair that this is what you have to go through.
Post a Comment